I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
