that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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