Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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