Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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