Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
