I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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