Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
