so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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