I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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