I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
