how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
