well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
