and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
