Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
