when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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