walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
