Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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