Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I want to fling myself into the sun
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
