Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
