yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
