I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
