Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
