Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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