we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize