The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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