I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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