my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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