You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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