Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
