Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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