you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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