Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
