I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
