I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize