walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
