dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have already put on my inside pants.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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