wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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