Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
