apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
