his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
