I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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