I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
