Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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