that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
