no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
