Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
