I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
