I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
