Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
