last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
