I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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