I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
