my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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