just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
