I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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