Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
