You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
