After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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