I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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