I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
