He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
