guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
