I want to have your abortion
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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