4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize