I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
