READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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