Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
