The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just googled if crying burns calories
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
