Betty ford says i'm here all night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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