I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
