I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
