Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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