you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
