i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I could make wine with my vomit
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
