brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
so much tequila, so little girl.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
